Jesus' bad example

By: Charletta Erb

Editor’s Note: This satirical piece is a part of the Overturning Tables Project…for more information, visit overturningtables.org.

Oh how I wish Jesus had set a better example!

Let’s be reasonable here. He should have proposed his prophetic action in consultation with the religious leadership far in advance of the Passover feasts. This would have reduced so much stress for the Pharisees and scribes.

He shouldn’t have made his case using sacred scriptures. Too risky, too radical, too much playing his religion card like he knew it all. Why did he have to bring Isaiah or Jeremiah into this, crazy activists claiming God’s house for foreigners, eunuchs and the like! One issue at a time now! How dare he come to the temple with an agenda!

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He certainly should have worked within the structures to ensure no one would be offended, no one would risk the chance at dialogue due to untimely, unvetted mention of certain outcasts. Didn’t he know that if you want to include these people, you have to exclude those people.

He should have toned it down at least a little, no name-calling nor blocking pedestrian traffic in the temple. And what’s with the whip of cords!?

Perhaps Jesus was just having a bad day? He should’ve just written a letter to the editor. Something a little like this:

Dear Temple Authorities CC: Israel Ministry of Tourism

How I long to gather you all into my bosom… Wait, that’s a feminine image, scratch that!

Er… I hate to be a bother, but could you please give a warm welcome to foreigners this week? Show them what great hospitality we offer here in Jerusalem. Please don’t keep them too long at checkpoints this festival season.

Maybe tell the money lenders to lower their interest rates incrementally, bending the arc of the moral universe toward justice a bit at a time. However, if you deem this isn’t feasible, beginning sometime soon, I will have to kindly ask you to vacate the premises of God’s house and relocate animals and money to a proper marketplace.

In the future, I will request your kind help in the establishment of a house of prayer for all nations and peoples. But this will do for now. Thank you for reading.

Sincerely, 
Jesus

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Charletta Erb is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern, Mediator and Facilitator. For a good time, Charletta also plays Irish and Old Time fiddle and weeds gardens.